I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
