got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
