I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
