he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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