My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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