why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
