bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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