I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
