i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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