k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
