Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
