Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
