Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
