new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
