Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
