I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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