I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
