I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
