glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
why is half of my head shaved?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
