its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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