her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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