i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
