Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
