I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
