it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
