I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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