We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
