i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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