My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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