Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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