with your own penis?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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