I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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