Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
