her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I need moral support for this bender
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
