i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
