U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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