I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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