There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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