I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
