That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
