Cold hands, warm shart.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
