mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
