3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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