Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
