My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
