shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
