My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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