No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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