I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
