Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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