anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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